


One step at a time

by SpaceChilde



Series: Life is a Highway [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gang World, Alternate Universe - Homeless, Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Mess, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Sweetheart, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Drug Use, Emotional Manipulation, Everyone Is Gay, Friendship, Homelessness, Hurt, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Manipulation, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, The Author Regrets Nothing, can't tagg like shit, more tags while story progresses, why isn't this a tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:40:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27768433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceChilde/pseuds/SpaceChilde
Summary: They say everybody starts out as a hero and only those who live long enough will turn out as villain. Nobody knows if it is true. It is Probably just a saying.But in this case, it is true. This is the Story of Virgil Storm, a young man who was broken by the world and had no other choice then to fight this exact world.______________________________________________________________________Hey! So this is my first Sander Sides fanfiktion, hope you like it !I am sorry if some things don't make sanse or are bedly written, english is not my native language. So if you have tips please tell me!Hope you have a nice day/night !
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Life is a Highway [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2031388
Comments: 7
Kudos: 21





	1. It starts with one step...

They say everybody starts out as a hero and only those who live long enough will turn out as villain. Nobody knows if it is true. It is Probably just a saying.   
But in this case, it is true. This is the Story of Virgil Storm, a young man who was broken by the world and had no other choice then to fight this exact world.

The earliest memory Virgil has is the smell of vanilla and the feeling of warm sunshine on his skin. He doesn´t know how old he were or where he was, but those two things always made him feel like he was home. They were his anchor for such a long time, that even now he has to smile if he feels or smells one of these two.  
This memory is most likely the nicest one he has from his previous life.  
Sadly he had to learn from a young age on, that nobody truly cares .Becouse in the end the only person important to you is your self. But this fact didn`t made him bitter. Even now he tries to live by his pricibles . All in all he is still a nice guy, he tries to do what he thinks is wrigt. And nothing is wrong with that. But this world does not believe in that. You eather fit in or you don’t, but if you don’t the world will crush you. No matter what, no matter who you are. It is the end of the story, you cant change that fact.   
But you can try, like he tries.  
You see, Virgil wasn’t born in wealth. He lived in the poor side of the city , he wasn’t even able to go to school. And exactly here is where the story starts.

Virgil quickly ran along the dark alley while squeezing the bread he had stolen tightly on his thin body. It wasn’t the first time he had stolen something, his mother always told him that stealing was bad. He really tried not to but what else should he do? He was only 12 years old, he could work. When his mother died, he didn’t know what to do. Of course, he knew that she would die. She was sick for such a long time, he barely remembers the time when she was not.  
So he had to look out for himself. He had no other relatives from which he knew. It always was just him and his mother. Until it was just him.  
Virgil tried to learn as much as he could in his free time. He couldn’t afford to go to school so everything he knew he either learned from his mother, himself or experience. He probably didn’t have the basic knowledge he should have at his age but he knew how to survive. He thought that was a pretty good skill.  
So he ran, he even ran after he no longer could hear the angry voice or the loud steps from the baker, he stole the bread from.  
After God knows how long he finally stopped, breathing heavy and legs burning. Exhausted he let himself sit down and take a few bites from his food.   
After a while where he just sat there and tried to regulate his breathing he let his gaze wander. He was on well visited spot from people like him. He saw at least every second person one time in his life. But while he looked he saw a little family. A mother, a little child around the age of four and a baby , the mother hold tightly to her chest. He rung with himself, but in the end he gave them his bread. He will always remember the light in the eyes of this little girl wo gratefully took the rest of his bread and showed it to her mother. Who fought with the tears in her eyes.   
It was a little moment , for other people maybe with no meaning at all. But they had food. They had no worries what they should eat the next day or how long they could survive. 

So he smiled. He maybe just saved a little family from starving another day, even though it meant he would starve another day.   
Because maybe this little girl will remember what he did and will one day also help somebody in need. So he went with his day. One step after another. If he breathes he lives and if he lives he can fight to stay alive. In the end he has nothing to lose. His death would make any difference, nobody knows that he even exists. Still he chose to fight. Because even though he has nobody to live for, his mother died for him. He is her legacy and if that means he has to survive just another day, he will do it. He will do what he can to stay alive as long as he can. So he takes one step at a time. One step is more then none. He just needs to keep moving.


	2. a step to logic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plays a few days after chapter one.  
> Warning: talking about not eating ( right at the beginning)  
> __________________________________________________  
> Stay save !

He should have thought more about it.... He should have thought more about what to eat if he handed away his stolen loaf of bread. He should have thought more about ,what he would eat if he handed away his last and only thing to eat. He should have thought about how long he hadn't eaten before and how long he wouldn't eat anything if he gave the food away now.. Has he thought so far? No, he hasn't .Does he regret it? No. Becouse when he thinks of the glow from the little girl's eyes or the tears from her mother, it was wearth it.   
( belly growls)  
Or maybe not quite. Maybe he just regrets it a little bit. Just like he was just a little bit hungry. But who know what is and what is not a lie. Nearly nothing now days is the truth. You just have to bend the truth far enoth or don't tell one simple fact , how small it may be, it is lie. So it should be okey. Shouldn't it? Of course adults always tell us not to, but they lie to. Who hasn't told one lie in his life? Who hasn't told anybody a white lie, to not hurt somebodys feeling? I think there is none person who is compleatly trustworthy. You are dumb if trust anybody without questionizing there motives, becouse like I said before. Everyone just cares for them self. And that implies that they will let you fall ,if you are not useful .The thing that hurts so much about that fact is that you never know when it will happen. You don't know when the inventible fall will come. So you do not know how to catch yourself. You don't know how to protect yourself. So it is safer to stay by yourself. Do not let anybody in. If you woun't let anybody in, nothing is in ther to hurt you. The only thing that will hurt you emotionally is just you. So that can not be to bed. Other people may say , that thet way to life is lonely, but I saw what good it is for you, if you let other people in with my mom. I don't talk about her death. I will never regrett that I led her in. She is my mom, i love her. Even now, when she hurt me so badly.  
But you see, I may have been very young but I still remember. I remember the type of guys my mom used to date. Nice at beginning. Dreamguys who bring you flowers and care about you. But in the end they are all the same. Rotten on the inside. They will hit you if they are bored, they will blame you for there faults and they will mistreat you , even in front of the eyes of your one child. You hope to protect. And if that isn't good enouthg they will hurt your child, becouse they know that will break you. That you will do anything to protect your child.  
So yes, I prefer to live with myself. I chose to not let anyone in. Becouse no matter how nice they are in the begging, no matter how manny roses they give you. In the end they all have thourns.

While these thoughts ran through my head, i walked aimless through the city. I just couldn't stand still. I was always bad at staying still. It is like I was my hole life in motion and just don't know when to stop. Of course i stop. Even I have to catch my breath, eat, sleep or just do stuff. But does that really count ? I dont know. I mean I live like a vagabond. I have no home, i nerver stay long at on place. How whould I stop moveng?  
And as if I was mocking myself, I stopped moving. Becouse of one thing I saw in the split of a second. I turned around and i realiced I didn't imagined it. Right in front of me was the little liabry my mom and I used to study together. With a little grin I couldn't withhold I walked inside. I don't need to worry that the owner or any employees will call authorities on me. Like I said before, This is the poor side of the city. Fucking nobody cares!   
While I walked trough the ailes i spotted a book my mom and i always used to read. Grimms Fairy Tales. With a nostalgic feeling I took the book and set myself in one of the seats in the far back area. WHile he started to read , he didn't noticed how the time flew by, whe read story over story. He still like the tales. They never are really happy or have a happy ending, they alwasy have a deeper meaning. Like life it's self. And while he sank even deeper into the book , he did not noticed the person who approached him. The boy stopped right in front of him and chought. That noise alone made Virgil jump into the air. ,,Excuse me, but you sit in my seat. Could you please move?" Withouth saying one thing Virgil closed the book, put it away and left the shop. That was one heartattck, he thought.He whould put it on his mentaly list of fuck ups he had , with other human beeing.  
But that wasn't a thing he should be worried about now, the sun is setting. It will be dark soon, he should look out for place he could sleep tonight.


	3. a step into unconsciousness and a rise into coldeness

The hole thing in the liabary was a while ago. Don't aske me, i haven't known what that it is in forever. The only thing I know at this moment is that I am hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I don't know when the last time was where I ate something. It seems so long ago. Or it is just my memory that's getting even shittier.  
Na it's probably the hunger. It doesn't hurt, it's been a while since hunger hurt, I just feel so exhousted. Like every power that was left in my body disappeared form one moment to the next. I just don't know what to do. I haven't found anything to eat in the dumpsters, i have no power left to steal... What should I eat? I can't take one step at a time if i don't have the power to even move. Mom..What should I do, I don't know what I should do. Mom, please... please help me.

At this point I couldn't fight the tears anymore, I couldn't stand still. Every inch in my body screamed at me to move. So I moved. While my none existing Mental Health went down the grave yard.

Mom , Please! I can't do this, I don't know how to do this. I know you are disappounted in me, I did literally everything you didn't want me to do. I know you wouldn't wanna see me... What if you really don't wanna see me? What if even after I am dead I still will be alone? Alone in this shithole. That not even you, my one mother whant to see. So what? What should I do? Wait, what if she wants to see me but is mad to see me so soon? Or I show up and then she is mad? Will mom be mad I didn't eat? But I dont't know where I should get food! I..I don't know anymore. I am failing at the one sjill I had, becouse I was fucking nice! ,,Why should I be nice if there is no point in hit!''  
I said that out loud... I said that ouit loud! People are staring. People are staring. I need to get away..I need to get away. ..I need to....I need to.....away  
(passes out)

( a few moments later)

Groaning did I put my hand over my eyes, When did I fall asleep? Wait... What time is it!? Anxiously I sat up und looked around me. It's getting dark. And like this realication triggered something in my brain, I felt the cold. This agonicing cold, that numbs everything inside you. I am so cold.  
Trying to ceep the little left of my warmth I closed my hoody, put my hood up and huged my body tightly. Starving and Hypothermia. Not a good combination. Really not.Where could I go? I need to go somewhere warm. But where can I go? Where even am I? Confused I stand up and look around me. At this time of year and day everything looks so simelar, where the fack am I? Did I ran so far while I was ..panicking? Was I panicking? Of course I was..what else should taht have been?   
Okay stop, I need to concentrate. No matter where I chose to go, I can't go there if I do not know where the hell I am . Oke . The best thing to do whoul be, to look around? I have no plan where I came from ..So yeah. Looking around.   
Okay, like there is nothing..don't know that eather.. Is that?..NO ..no It is not. ARG!! Where the hell am I!?

Frustraded I kicked a can in front of me, that colided with the wall (same diraction) and landed right back from where I kicked it in the first place. You got to be kidding me. Angrey I ran past that stupide can and went on whith my on finding out where I am , in this part of the city. I don`even know in which shitty part of the shitty part I am anymore.  
But luck seams to come around as I end up right in front of a ,,group meeting`` of homless-people. Who where gathered around a burning metal trash-can. Shyly i came closer and sat down between all this individuals, to get the coldness out of my body. 

It hurt quite a bit when my finger became warm but after just a few more minutes i could feel the coldness seaping awaf from me. Not all of it. But the one in my fingers and arms nearly none existing.The one posetive thingabout other ,,vagabonds'' , is that they do not juge. They maybe will ask how it came that you are on the streets where your family is but other times they just don't care. Becouse as long as they are fighting for there one life they can't juge that you are fighting for yours. And these guys are normaly pretty chill. Sure you don't want to fall asleep around to many of them, you do not know what they could do but that is just commen knowledge. Who would fall asleep around people they don't know? I mean come on ever heard about crimes? Or maybe that the paranoide part of , that just came back to life, now that hypotheria is off the list. But who knows. Who knows anything?  
What I know right now is that this endless coldness inside of me won't disaper. It feels like I am drowning an dI don't know how not to. I don't know where up and where down is. It#s just an growing numbness. Is this even the cold? Or is this my own self that is slowly killing me to stop hurting.

The older guy next to me must have felt my inner turmult or he didn't have anything better to do , I don't know. But what I know is that he is offering me his bottle. Probably alkohol. Poisoned? Maybe. Okey wait, it is alkohl. Alkohol literally is a poison. But whould he? I don't know.  
But I know, if alkohl can fight this numbness I will happilie take it. So with a shoulder shrug I took the booze and dranke sip. It burned my throught. Biut at the same time it burned away the numbness. After that one I wanted to pass the bottle back , but the man just shoock his hand and told me I look like I needed kit more then he did. So with a frown in my face I hold the bottle an dlooked at. I rung with myself, but i just couldn't get myself to care anymore. The alkohol was away. And like I always say, One step at a time. And with that major thought in minde I spend the night with emptying the bottle. Not even thinking ..enything. I just drank, stared into the flames and let the alkohl rush through my system. I don't know if In was drunk. I probably was, like really , really drunk. But like I said. I could not care less that night. And could not care lett, for a really long time.


	4. When things went even darker..

Since then , everything went south. The coldness inside of me grew … So I drank. From one sip a day to a grass .From a glass to a bottle. I don’t know how much I drink in a day. I drink what I can get. I don’t care what or when. When I feel like I need some I drink some.  
The sad thing is, that it is easier to get some booze then food. Don’t ask me why. It’s just this way. If you want to steal something from Trash-cans , the food is most od the time gone. But a bottle of any type of alcohol, is near by. It helps for a short while with the hunger. It numbs nearly everything, until the only things that is there, is the burning. That fight the coldness inside of me.  
Especially now in winter. Everything is cold. One wrong step and you are dead.  
I know I am practically killing my body with the alcohol. But think like that. If you have the choice to kill yourself or get killed. What would you choice? I know what mine is. Beside that, I am warm. Even if I would freeze to death, I would be war inside, because of the alcohol.

The smoking is another topic. It started the same way as with the alcohol. Somebody offered, I took. I realized they make me calm. The nicotine.   
I don’t know how long it ‘s been since I was completely calm before. Anxiety, you know? It’s like I never had the chance to shut down, to just live in the moment. Truly. Of course, I live in the moment. Every moment I survive is worth it. But still, the fear about the future is there. With the alcohol and the cigarettes its just more manageable.   
I know it is not really health, but what in my life is? How should I live a healthy lifestyle with this conditions?   
...I life on the fucking streets. Not a nice home, with a family, food, water or shower. I live on the streets. Like a rat. It kinda is funny , when you think about it. Because the wealthy people call us rats. Of course they call us other things to, but that one is correct.

One of the contra sides of the alcohol, is that it’s harder to concentrate. I can’t really go to a library at the moment. Even if I wanted to. It seem impossible at the moment to try to read, understand it and memorize it. But who knows, maybe I am just not motivated anymore. Could also be that.   
Or it is just the fact that the library , where I was last time, the one where my mother learned with me. Is one of the only library’s that would call authority’s on me. I can’t really hide that I am just 13. I clearly look like it.   
I can’t go back there, the risk to meet that boy again is so high and I would rather die that to have this akwade situation again. I mean who wants that. Who stands up in the morning and thinks, Yes , today is a good day to talk to strangers. That would be such an good idea. Nobody. And if you do, you don’t exist. You can not convince me other wise.  
So yeah, I can’t learn much at the moment.  
It isn’t like I learned much before, but I had the choice. Now , I don’t even have that.

As time went on , I moved deeper into the shit hole. I think you can’t even say I live in the poor side of the city anymore. I live in the even worse part. I don’t know how I ended up here. As time moved on, I moved on. And now I am here.  
Sadly, that doesn’t make a real difference. I am homeless on both parts, I just stay down here because I know better. It’s the same Principe like every homeless person live on the poor side and tries to stay away from the ,,healthy`` side. We know better.   
Going on.. that side.. would be suicide. We know better. If I would take on step over there, people would stare, call names, throw stuff. Call the police. They would … I don’t know. I just know it would not end well for me.   
My mom always told me to stay away from that side. And till this point on, nothing my mother taught me was wrong. So I chose to believe her, that this fact is also true.  
If later in life I should realize that it was a lie, jokes on me I guess. But right now I can’t risk that.  
Also that part is really, really clean from what I heard. Nobody leaves anything anywhere. So getting things would be more complicated. Because those people bring there trash down here. So of course they would not have anything up there. I would not be surprised if you could eat from the streets there.


	5. .. a deal you can't decline

As always, when time passes, things had to get more difficult.

It seems like this is a rule, that is sat in stone. No matter how hard you try, no matter how good thinks seem, they always go bad. That’s just how life works. Even if I sometimes wish, it would not work like that. Who knows, maybe I am just naïve. To hope that thinks somehow will turn out well, even if there is no indicator in the first palace.

And just like this rule predicts, thinks got ..bad.

In 13 years of my life, I managed to stay out of any major problems , I maybe could get involved. Well like every lucky streak, it ends. I guess 13 years was a good run. Maybe he should have tried gambling, with his luck the chance of winning was high. Although, if he thinks about everything that happened in his life… that was probably a bad idea. Like he sad before, everything good he has disappears. And he wouldn’t put his hand in fire, that that would have ended well.

Where was he?  
Right, the shit hole he is now. Like I said previously I moved deeper into the poor side. What I didn’t think about is that in that part there are more crimes.  
I kinda got involved with a crime. I didn’t even meant to , it was a beautiful play of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. 

I thought , I would have an anxiety attack right there , so the question you are asking yourself is probably, what exactly happened?  
Well, I was looking for food. I walked aimless through the streets, like I always do. And after a while, I was lost. I head no idea where I was. So my aimless walking turned into finding out where the fuck I was. 

A beautiful pattern , if you ask me. I guess I have to accept that my Coordination is non-existing.

Like I said, I had no idea where I was, so I strayed through the streets. And the next thing I knew I stood in front of a guy who aimed a gun at me.  
People always talk about the responses other have to fear, fight or flight. But I ? I froze in place. I am not even sure I breathed.  
I am not sure, in what I ran into, if have to guess know. Some illegal trade of drugs or weapons. I don’t know. I didn’t see much.  
I guess I was to distracted, of the gun in my face. 

,,Okey boy, hands up and turn around! Who you working for?”

I did what he said and could feel the gun against my back.  
I knew I had to answer, but I couldn’t get a word out . It was like fear deleted my ability to speak. I was mute.  
But the man didn’t seem to like that. Because he aggressively shoved the gun harder against my body. Obviously not happy with me , he packed me at my hair and through me at the floor.  
Luckily I could dim my fall with my hands, but my palms got scoured.

,,If you won’t talk , I will shout you. I hope you know that boy.’’

,,You know, the boss wouldn’t like that . Do you ? The best thing would be , to take him with us and let the boss question him. I am sure he will talk. They always do.”

If I wasn’t screwed before, now I was. There was no way I would have gotten out of that alife. So after they finished , whatever they where doing before, the second guy who started talking dragged me up and pulled me with them.  
I guess he was scared that the first one , would have killed me , if he let him take care of me.  
But the fact that he just dragged me with them, without blinding me was bad. Because that means , they had no intension of letting me go. Because who would let anyone go , if they know where your hideout is?  
Nobody is so dumb. Especially not a Gang(?) leader.  
So they dragged me through the streets, stopped here and there and went on. After who knows how long we stopped in front of an heavy looking iron door. Also not a good sign.

After they knocked in a specific pattern , we were lent inside. We stood in a small , room. A side entrants .  
But we didn’t stay there long, soon enough, I was dragged behind them again, trough the dark halls of that building. 

The person, who owned that building , definitely was wealthy. I think I never stepped into a building that looked like that. Do building on the other side look like that?

We stopped in front of a big , heavy guarded door. The guys who dragged me there , exchanged quick words with the guards and after a agonizing minute waiting there , the doors opened and I was thrown in. While the guys, walked behind me. 

After I hit the ground, I anxiously looked up. And crossed eyes with probably the intimidating person I have ever met , and will ever meet.  
The man who looked me up and down, had glowing ,bright amberish eyes. Which lokked in this light yellow, like the eyes of a snake. He wore formal black suit and one big ring on his right hand. Which was covered in tatoos.  
Not a gang , mafia.  
Shit.

,,Well who have here?’’

,,The boy spied on the trading with the ,,Gold-Man hotel.’’

,,Oh. Did he?’’

On that his gaze landed again on me and he had a interested smile on his face. Which gave me the chills. Somehow, I knew. That having his interest omn you was not a good thing.

,,You two are excused. I will handle this.’’

And with that simple words, the guys who dragged me into this (literally) left.  
Even more anxious know I looked back to man who had seemingly control over everything here.

,,Come here. Lets have little chat.’’

With wobbeling knees I stood up and walked over to him. After a quick hand gesture from him, I sat myself on the chair he guided me to , while he placed himself in the chair in front of me.

,,What’s your name?’’

,, … Virgil, Virgil Storm.’’

,,Well, Virgil, you don’t seem like someone who would work for GM. If I had to guess, I would say you just were at the wrong place , at the wrong time. Weren’t you?

On that , I could just nod.  
That man could read me like a book. Even If I didn’t answer, he knew that that was the truth.

,,Say, How old are you?’’

,, 13’’

,,I see, say what does a 13 year old boy do on the streets. Where are your parents or guardians?''

I stayed quiet. No answer that I would give him would satisfy him. He had that look in his eyes, that told you he knew. He just asks because he wants you to admit to the things he knows.  
But I guess me staying quiet , was answer enough. His smile seem to grow even wider.

,,You know, I am a very generous man. So let me make an offer. You will work for me and in exchange for that I will give a home. A place where you can stay. Where you can sleep , drink and eat. What do you say? Do we have a deal?’’

That was not an offer. That was everything but not an offer. That was a command.  
He knows that. Like he knows that I know. Because , even if had not said it , he would need to kill me if I don’t accept . Because I already have seen to much.

And like I always feared, that was the moment were my will to survive shoots me in my own leg. What would be worse? Dying or staying under the thumb of that man for the rest of my life? I don’t know. One seems as bad as the other.  
What am I willing to lose? 

My life or my freedom? 

In the end questioning myself did do nothing. Because I already knew. My will to survive was to strong to chose to die.  
So I made my choice. 

I said yes.


	6. something like friends

It wasn’t that bad. Really. If some random person would have come to him and told him living in an gang or something like that wasn’t bad , he wouldn’t have believed them either.

But what can he say. He hadn’t felt so full in his life. The first warm meal he ate in forever. He thought he could now die peacefully. 

But like everything in life, it has it cons. Like the Boss said at the beginning from everything, he would have to work for him.  
It wasn’t that hard at the beginning.   
They were easy things. Like bringing something from point A to point B. Or just cleaning .

But no matter what he did, he was direct under his thumb. You could expect that that was just how the things ran here. Or that it was just because he is new to .. everything.   
But no. He has been here for a while now. He isn’t quite sure how long, days blend into one. He doesn’t go outside, so he can’t even tell if it is night or day. Through the time he has been here new people came, but they weren’t under direct controle like him.   
It seems like the others are even scared of the fact that the boss has such high interest in him. They would normaly leave the room if he entered . 

It wasn’t like he wished for contact, but It hurt. Knowing that even if you would want to talk with someone they won’t even look at you.  
And you don’t even know why. But who knows, maybe he is just such bad company. He couldn’t tell.

And somehow one thing came to another.

He was just eating dinner and drinking some alcohol in the dining room. When a boy around his age exploded through the door, followed by another boy.

,,Remus you are not drinking the soap!’’

,,Make me.”

,,Remus no.”

,,Remus yes!”

Quite bemused I took another sip from my glass .Which somehow alarmed the boys that they where not alone in this room.

After an uncomfortable moment of complete silence, where we all just stared at each other, I turned back to my food and ate.  
I had already expected that the two would leave the room again, but that's when Remus threw himself on the seat opposite me.

;;So you're the new guy who's put everyone in such turmoil here. Did you kill someone, is that the reason? Please say yes. Wait how old are you? You look like 11”

,, I`m 13, no I did not kill anybody and I would appreciate it if you could leave me alone. “

,,Uhhhh touchy! Dee I like him, he is now mine.”

,,Re you cant claim people, we talked about it.”

Outraged I stare at the two while they discuss why it wasn't ok to claim me and they'd rather kidnap me right away. Who the hell are these people.  
After n endless time with back and fors , they seem to agree that they won’t agree .

,,So mister I am 13 years old, who are you?’’

,,I could aks you the same. “

,,Oh, where are my manners . I am Janus Chimera. Not Janice and not J-anus, thank you. But you can call me Deceit.”

Chimera. That was the name of the boss. Which means he is.. anxious, I played with the fork in my hand and answered. 

,,Virgil”

,,Virgil, say, what does my father want from you? He normally isn’t interested in strays.”

I didn’t have any answer to that. So I stayed quiet and took a sip from my drink. 

,,What your drinking?”

,,What?”

Exploiting my confusing, Remus grabbed my glass and emptied its contents, in one gulp. Disgusted, he withdrew his face and put the glass back on the table.

,,Whiskey. Why?”

,,Why not?”

,,Didn’t you say you are 13? Which 13 year old drinks whiskey?”

With that the conversations ended, but somehow we managed to ran into each other nearly every now and then. And over time, we grew closer. We became something you could name .. friends.


	7. A maybe broken bond

Sometime went on since Remus, Janus and I became friends . Like you could guess it is a really chaotic friendship but I think it is worth it. Becouse I never had friends. I have been alone for auch a long time, that I didn't even realiced that i desperatly needed some human contact.

However, I did not sign up for there projects. Somehow for who knows what reason they decided to get me to stop drinking.  
I don't see the problem with me drinking. I know it can turn into a problem If i am not carefull but i am! And how could it possible be bad for me if it was the only thing that kept me alive for such a long time?

I don't know if I should feel honored that they are doing what they are doing or if I am right , that they are just doing it to annoy me.  
Who knows. I certainly don't know.

And it's not like I can go ask somebody about there opinion. I don't think there is a single person besides Remus and Janus that would tell me the truth about any subject,i would ask about.

And even if they did, who guarantees me that it won't fall back to them? Chimera made it clear that if I have a problem with something or someone he would clear it. And I doubt he means talk to them. It is most likely that he should kill them. I m not quite sure if he should kill his own son, he definitely doesn't have a problem with hurting him. But I think he would hurt Remus.

Remus isn't really a "member", as far as I am aware he is just allowed to be here becouse of J. I am not quite sure if it's becouse they are friends or if they are more. I mean if I would ask Remus i would definitely get the answer that they are fuck-budies but if I ask Janus? He should probably say no or yes. And both could mean the opposite. So I don't ask. 

I prefer to just stay in the back and watch, it's the less dangerous option.   
Becouse no matter how often i try to deny it, if I i interfere with any business that isn't mine, i will most likely get killed. So let's stick to the A and O, stay out of trouble and stay alive. Ergo , just take one step forward at a time and see how it goes.

"Ey Virgin! I was talking to you! Did somebody put maggots into your brain or why don't you listen?"

" Firstly, disgusting Remus. Really disgusting. And second of all, who says that I didn't just ignore you becouse i can?"

Somehow that didn't give me the expected reaction. I thought Remus would get furious or say something with a shit eating grin back. But he got quite. Like death quite. And if I didn't know before, i know now. A quiet Remus is probably the scariest thing I ever saw and will see in my lifetime.

Without saying another word Remus turned around and left. Cursing Janus followed him while giving me a death glare .

So much to the theme friends. I just don't know when to shut up I always have to ruin everything. Becouse I am a stupid idiot who forgot one of the main subjects we talk about. 

Trauma.

And Remus?   
He has a lot of it thanks to his family. Who practically ignored him his whole life and I am the idiot who just put salt into an already bleeding wound.

Becouse he told me. He told me parts of his fucked up childhood , with his emotionaly neglecting parents. Who always favour his twin. Who apparently is this golden boy , who couldn't do one thing wrong in his entire life. And Remus? He was the black sheep. Always standing in the shadow of his brother. Constantly getting compared to him and getting told he should be more like his brother and less like himself.

I know how much it hurt him that the people around him choose to ignore him .  
Why can't I think one time before i open my mouth?

No let me correct this. Why does my brain decides to stop thinking before i speak in this horrible scenario. Can't it do that when I try to sleep?

No.

It has to ruin one , probably both nearly normal and functioning relationships in my life.  
If I am lucky, i will survive the next day. If I am not, that Janus had probably killed me. And i wouldn't even fought back.

Angry with myself I went back to my room where I shut frustrated my door and jumped into my bed, where i tried to suffocate myself with the pillow.

I know that i could just stand up , search for them both , explain myself and beg for forgiveness or in this case mercy. But i couldn't.  
Becouse big surprise, i am scared. I am so fucking scared to see them. Which makes me more angry with my self. No matter what I do , it seems like in the end I will always been this scared lil boy. And this Fakt frustrates me so much. That tears out of anger want to come out. But i refuse to let them fall. I just can't. 

Even if i can't keep the one thing that is good for me I will keep my pride. Which is probably the reason, sooner or later that i will die. But until then, i can't seem to do anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I didn't post anything for quite a while. I was quite in some stress and then my mental health said so byyyyy.  
> Again sorry that this chapter is so short, i can't promise to update soon but i will try :)


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